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I am
...getting rained on in Tokyo.
...old enough to drink alcohol but not old enough to know when to stop.
...blogging since 02/22/03.
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Sunday, May 11, 2003
Bathroom moment
Japan is a strange place: They have writing that takes years to learn. They think dried squid is a tasty snack. They think high school students should wear uniforms inspired by the Prussian army. Their vendor machines sometimes contain used panties. J-Pop will make you want to rip off both your ears and spent the rest of your life in the monastery of the mute monks.
On the other hand, Japan is one of those places which seem familiar. They also obsess about Valentine's Day and Xmas. They have coffee, baseball and sushi. However some things we seem to have in common differ in the details...such as high-tech toilets featuring a seat warmer, bidet, bottom-washer and dryer, a lid lifter, and a digital clock that tells you how long you've been in the bathroom. It produces a discreet flushing sound to disguise any unpleasant noises.
When KG went on a trip to Japan, she used one of those high-tech johns. Then she realized that she didn't know which button to press in order to flush. She stood up and tried a button. Suddenly the toilet spit at her. The jet of water was the toilet's bottom washer. KG's bottom had already left the toilet seat so the water jet shot aimlessly over the rim of the toilet. She tried to shield the water off with her hand but couldn't make it stop. Then she hit another button...which triggered the bottom blow dryer. Now warm air blew into her face in addition to the water. After frantically pressing all the other buttons that were left, KG emerged from the toilet soaked but she had managed to flush...and the floor of the bathroom was almost dry.
posted by Bunny at 4:55 PM
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Tuesday, May 06, 2003
The globetrotter's guide to better dining
When abroad you will frequently find yourself in the situation where people will look at you with a blank smiling face while you talk. However, dear reader, be not mistaken: Those people are not deaf, there is no need for you to raise your voice. Let us review a possible scenario: A restaurant containing you & a waiter.
You: I'd like to have a glass of white wine [blank stare from the waiter] WHITE WINE...A G-L-A-S... O-F...W-H-I-T-E...W-I-N-E! [the offended waiter walks away]
Well, there you are. Nobody took your order. And no wine. Meanwhile the waiter is in the kitchen complaining bitterly to the cook that some asshole shouted at him. It's a good thing that you weren't able to order. Believe me, you wouldn't want to try the cream of mushroom soup after you shouted down that poor waiter. The cook is his best friend.
So let's rewind to the beginning of the scene. The waiter has just approached your table. You smile. And point. To another table where somebody smart enough to speak the local tongue already ordered his wine. You gesture with your hand and make drinking noises. The waiter's face lightens up with understanding. Of course: you want wine! Don't be afraid, sir. You may be dumb enough to be a tourist without a travel dictionary but as long as your wallet is with you, your wishes are our command. You point to the cream of mushroom soup. The waiter nods enthusiastically: Mushroom soup it is, sir! You congratulate yourself on your highly advanced ability to make yourself understood. The waiter returns with both red wine and hepatitis-free cream of mushroom soup. Of course, white wine would complement the delicate flavor of the mushroom soup so much better but let's not get carried away, shall we? In Kongabowongaland or whatsitcalled, it's a miracle that they even know what wine is.
posted by Bunny at 5:04 PM
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Monday, May 05, 2003
ICQ after midnight
...
TJ (1:12 AM) : Yesterday somebody offered me a blowjob in the library - isn't that nice?
anniebunny (1:12 AM) : by a stewardess?
anniebunny (1:13 AM) : whose name is claudia?
TJ (1:13 AM) : Unfortunately: no. (what am I saying...I'm faithful...) by a hand that reached through a book shelf and gave me a note - don't even know whether this was some gayboy or a hot chick
anniebunny (1:14 AM) : what? really? You usually know by looking at the hand whether it's a guy or a girl, don't you?
TJ (1:14 AM) : Quote: "U are cute man, if u wanna have a blowjob meet me outside the library in a couple of minutes" - stupid, isn't it?
anniebunny (1:14 AM) : rofl - and, did you want a blowjob?
TJ (1:16 AM) : Of course I didn't!! I sat down and studied for half an hour so that I wouldn't meet Her/Him/It - scared that somebody's hand would touch my crotch before I could escape
TJ (1:17 AM) : I'll never know who that was - but it was funny... especially this thing with the hand reaching through the shelf - how pathetic is that?!
anniebunny (1:17 AM) : Who knows, maybe you missed the time of your life?
TJ (1:18 AM) : I have a girl-friend and I don't need any times of my life!
anniebunny (1:18 AM) : but at that moment she wasn't there to give you a blowjob, right? Who knows, it could've been the best blowjob in your life? Although... if I were a man, I'd be careful with blowjobs, ... I'd only put my penis into the mouths of people I'd trust.
TJ (1:20 AM) : I don't care where YOU put YOUR penis, dear Annie!!!
...
posted by Bunny at 3:03 AM
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